This has been an amazing year for me. A year in which I have transformed my body, with the help of gastric bypass surgery. A year in which I have been lucky enough to have a fresh start. To learn new habits (I’m talking about you grapefruit), a year in which I have gotten to play with fashion again (I love you thrift store). I’ve gotten out of the habit of blogging. Blogging has always been a place to connect with folks, to gain inspiration from your photography and learn from your perspectives. I miss it. It was also a place where I could hide, hide from being fat.
I haven’t hidden the fact I had surgery in my real life. If I could’ve kept being fat a secret, I would’ve kept the surgery secret, I suppose, but that’s one of the many things that suck about being fat – it’s all out there for folks to see. It’s the first thing they see and sometimes, the only. So I am out of habit of blogging but learning to break the habit of trying to hide. I am ruminating on this here blog, this here journey and what I might like to say on the former about the latter. So in the meantime, here is me.
I might should have written “Before” & “During” because it’s a process. A lifelong process.
On the left you have one of the FEW fat photos of me. At my heaviest I reached 302. On the right you have a photo taken by a college friend who I went to see for the weekend in NYC. Something I would never have, could never have done a year ago.
My little squirrel stomach is nervous as I prepare to “publish” this. That photo on the left, a photo of me, is something I lived in fear of ever finding its way online. But here I sit, dreaming of grapefruit and ruminating. More choices, more life, more love and, maybe, more blogging to follow.
Paper Dolls for Boys 