Paper Dolls for Boys

Raising 2 crafty boys and thrifting every chance I get.

Out of Habit January 20, 2012

This has been an amazing year for me.  A year in which I have transformed my body, with the help of gastric bypass surgery.  A year in which I have been lucky enough to have a fresh start.  To learn new habits (I’m talking about you grapefruit), a year in which I have gotten to play with fashion again (I love you thrift store).  I’ve gotten out of the habit of blogging.  Blogging has always been a place to connect with folks, to gain inspiration from your photography and  learn from your perspectives.  I miss it.  It was also a place where I could hide, hide from being fat.

I haven’t hidden the fact I had surgery in my real life.  If I could’ve kept being fat a secret, I would’ve kept the surgery secret, I suppose, but that’s one of the many things that suck about being fat – it’s all out there for folks to see.  It’s the first thing they see and sometimes, the only.  So I am out of habit of blogging but learning to break the habit of trying to hide.  I am ruminating on this here blog, this here journey and what I might like to say on the former about the latter.  So in the meantime, here is me.

I might should have written “Before” & “During” because it’s a process.  A lifelong process.

On the left you have one of the FEW fat photos of me.  At my heaviest I reached 302.  On the right you have a photo taken by a college friend who I went to see for the weekend in NYC.  Something I would never have, could never have done a year ago.

My little squirrel stomach is nervous as I prepare to “publish” this.  That photo on the left, a photo of me, is something I lived in fear of ever finding its way online.  But here I sit, dreaming of grapefruit and ruminating.   More choices, more life, more love and, maybe, more blogging to follow.


24 Responses to “Out of Habit”

  1. You gorgeous bird! I want to be you when I grow up. : )

    And wait…one can actually enjoy grapefruit? Wow, I’ve got a long way to go, mama.


    We’ve been waiting here, ever so patiently.

    And finally, here you are. Awesome sauce.

    I never knew you could enjoy grapefruit either – amazeballs.

    I am so thrilled to hear from you again, bravo you, you look incredible, bravo and big love lady luck x

    • Lexi-I will use amazeballs in a sentence 3 times today and tomorrow. I must add that to my habit-to-form list. And also reading your blog again, but to be honest I’m still jealous about your vintage bin scores of years back. Shallow of me? PDFB

  3. Anonymous Says:

    even though I see you several times a week, this still makes me feel teary. you are amazing. far

  4. LM Says:

    Well hello courage! Sometimes it takes time to be brave… so welcome back to the world of blogging.
    Love you, and those boots. And thanks for turning me on to grapefruit! L

  5. Kris Says:

    Yea! I’ve missed your wit & style chica! Welcome back, its good to see you & hear about your journey. Congrats!!!
    Lead us in some quirky adventures, show us some awesome vintageness – we’re ready.

  6. Sue Says:

    Teary love and admiration from across the little mystic. You Rock Transformation.

  7. Paige Says:

    Hi Tracy! Wow, wow, and more wow….you are brave and amazing and I’m so damn impressed. I’ve dropped off from blogging also, but in the meantime I’ll be visiting you and your space. Stay strong and have a super weekend!

  8. Susy Paisley Says:

    I know you’re wary of gushing at times like these, but you are a great beauty in so many ways, and you just did a very brave thing, and I just have to say it: you ROCK. (sorry)

    I also have to say that the After photo is great but does not do justice to how you owned those NYC streets that day in your striding-out gorgeousness.

    Also, I’m digging the metaphor of you holding a butterfly in the Before photo – emerging from the chrysalis and all of that…

    Hooray for you.

  9. bffoodie Says:

    Way to go! You have reclaimed yourself on many levels it seems. Upward and onward. Bravo!

  10. All I can say is WOW!!! Actually I can say lots more. It’s funny but it’s only when I saw this post that I realised I had no idea what you look like! you look fantastic, I love your style! It can’t have been an easy thing to do but so worth it, sounds like you’re getting your own style, happiness and confidence back, not that you should ever have lost them, people are themselves no matter what size they are and you should never have hidden yourself 🙂 But definitely worth losing the weight for health reasons too 🙂

  11. Your BFF from your inner circle... Says:

    You’re so freaking gorgeous!!

  12. Anonymous Says:

    Love and admire you for so many reasons and courage is at the top of that list. You kick a$$. I feel so very proud and fortunate to have you as my friend. xo -K.

  13. Power, T! I will never forget the comment you made about 3/4 length sleeves being the only cut of sleeve available for women! Maybe now you will see 3/4 sleeves in a different way:) Maybe with long gloves for the winter?

  14. Holly Says:

    Well aren’t you cute??!! (before and after!).

    Congratulations on your weight loss success. I hope that you have had a lot of putting your creativity to good use dressing your new body.

  15. Freda Williams Says:

    What a journey it has been for you so far as, I know it will be a life long journey. Thanks for welcoming me to be there for the beginning of your quest. You have been loved every minute of your life…and I always “saw” YOU. Funny…Fabulous..Smart…Beautiful…Great Mom and wife. I “see” you now…Funny…Fabulous…Smart…Great Mom and Wife…Beautiful…and now add Fit for life! So very proud of you because I know it is not easy. NOW, if we were on Facebook, I would hit the “LIKE” button for what all your friends have said! And you would say, “Mom, maybe a little too much…:)

  16. Visty Says:

    HOT MAMA!!!! Now, I feel like a schmuck because I assumed SADLY that you had stopped blogging! I absolutely love you to death for this. You are seriously one of the cutest people I know. Look at your little elf nose! I am also floored by how much better you dress than I do. Will you take me shopping? You are brave and wonderful and beautiful and shining.

  17. Dottie Anderson Says:

    Tracy, Mom shared your story and your site with me last night and I want to congratulate you on your successful story. I enjoy hearing stories from your Mom about your boys and their funny little sayings! Keep up the good work you are a beautiful young lady.

  18. Christina Says:

    Thank you so much for sharing your story and your before and during pics!! I am getting ready for Bariatric surgery myself, and your before picture looks just like me, and I am now at that weight (302), even though I have already lost about 16 pounds! You have given me hope that it is going to all be alright!! Thanks again!!!

  19. Anonymous Says:

    Tracy, so proud of you for making the right decision after that day we talked in the Mexican restaurant. You look tariffic. Congrats !!!!!!!

  20. Judy Watson Says:

    You go girl! Inspiring stuff. Hoping to see more of you on line 🙂

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