I am one of those women who lost herself in motherhood. And I am pretty sure I did it knowingly and willingly. I am blessed enough to have given birth to both boys after being told I had a 1% chance of conceiving and delivery a healthy baby using my own eggs. I was thrilled to get the chance to breast feed when I thought it might not happen that way. I was lazy enough to allow the boys to fall asleep in my lap and happy to get to watch them while they slept, their warm little bodies conforming to mine. We have sacrificed so I could be home to participate in every milestone, accomplishment, lesson learned and belly laugh. I have had more hugs than I ever imaged coming my way and my arms are wide open in anticipation of more. I have reveled in the growth and change in my boys and I am starting to feel like it is the right time for a little growth and change in me.
Sounds like I’m going somewhere with this, but really I sat down to write a little something to accompany the photos I took of my lunch today.
It is the first time I can remember that I sat down at the table for lunch. I actually thought about and made myself a meal, set out my softest thrifted linen napkin and used the special dishware from my husband’s Grandmother. The lunch was nothing gourmet. But it was one of the best meals I have had in a while. As I sat by the window with my food and my book and I ate and breathed and read, I started to feel a revolution coming on. Or maybe the right word is evolution. It’s time to morph into a woman who is a mom and loves her boys dearly but who also cultivates her self. I don’t have a map or a plan but the seed feels more powerful than a diagram. I think and hope it involves a lot more craft nights, some evening walks with friends, more mindful meals, regular nights out with my husband again, and books. Books that don’t rhyme, have jelly on them, or involve animals doing non-animal things like brush their teeth and use the crapper (this is another way I am reclaiming my brain, I shall no longer refer to the bathroom as the potty – join with me in this my friends!).
Yes, I will start with quiet lunches, books and the crapper. Viva la revolution!
And on a somehow related noted I wanted to tell you about an incident another mom in my son’s class shared with me this morning. She explained how she walked in the school but realized she had lost her keys somewhere between the parking lot and the building. She went back with all 3 girls only to discover her car in the parking lot, keys in the ignition and the engine running. (Luckily the doors were unlocked.) I appreciated her sharing this story because while I have not accomplished that feat myself I can certainly relate and we as moms, all moms – moms who work outside the home & moms who are home, benefit from sharing these stories, seeing ourselves in each other and laughing together!