I took my camera hoping to document the wonderful collections of my podiatrist but I got put in the bland room. This severed foot foot model was the best I could serve up to you.
I have been sparing you the updates on the never ending story of my toe. But today you will suffer along with me. I just got a surgical “procedure” done on my toe to remove a huge hunk of the nail that was embedded deep into the flesh of my left big toe. Palatable, no? My friend Vonda came to the rescue again and watched Baby Vegas while I went to the doctor’s office. He would like you to know that he works one day a week at his satellite office which IS handicap accessible. If you remember I was surprised his home office, literally in his house, didn’t have a ramp. Link to the fascinating beginning of the story if by some fluke you missed it. I was good and freaked out this morning before the procedure. First of all, when I went back to see him he made a point of saying I should not bring the kids, however well behaved they may be, to the next appointment because he “didn’t want to traumatize” them. And then to really set the tone of terror, my 6 year old kept asking during the drive to school, “Are you going back to that man’s basement to fix your toe?” I kept envisioning him imagining a basement toe torture chamber. I kept trying to tell him that it was a first floor office, with files and a receptionist and plants that were alive and everything. I don’t know if he bought it but I do know that it amped up my freak a little. What was I doing going to someones house to open up my precious, albeit neglected, toe?!!!
He started the procedure with a reminder that today is National Talk Like A Pirate Day. I tried my best to say, “AAAAAARRRRGGGGGGGHHH” instead of some other choice words when he was sticking the Novocaine in the bones of my feet. I immediately nixed all plans I had to get a tattoo on my foot the way he was poking that needle around. I was glad the boys were not there.
He gave me the care instructions and reminded me (although I have no memory of the initial conveying of this KEY piece of information) that I was not to walk today but to recline and elevate my foot. That would involve magic or a crime. Really, just how am I supposed to manage that? And I am really bummed to miss the Town Day celebrations tonight. There is going to be a pony ride except the ponies will be dressed as zebras. Is that a blog post waiting to happen or what? Okay. I need to go recline now.