Paper Dolls for Boys

Raising 2 crafty boys and thrifting every chance I get.

Love & Antibiotics (And Not in an 80’s Glam Rock Kind of Way) June 27, 2008

Filed under: Family & Friends — twlowenstein @ 1:05 pm

My son picked these for me on the way home from the park with little brother and dad. Better than antibiotics. He did the whole behind his back thing when presenting them to me, absolutely heart melting.

Total reenactment of endearing presentation:

But I swear, the matching colors thing was not intentional. No child was made to switch clothes in the making of this post. You HAVE to believe me.

I have felt overwhelming love for my boys these past couple of days, I MISS them. Silly because they are right here. Right here arguing over who gets which playmobil guy or jockeying for just the right spot on the sofa. But I can’t snuggle them and kiss them like I want. I think I am feeling sentimental and anxious because of my bacterial issue and the meds but my boys seem so BIG and I am feeling so sad. And did I mention anxious? That is my calm, blog way of say fearful and that is my ‘trying to sound half-way smart’ way of saying scared shitless.

I taught a child a long time ago, that was the kind of kid you just knew you were going to hear great things about. The kind of kid who you could only imagine was destined for good on a large scale. Those things still might be true but things have taken a heart breaking turn. He is incarcerated under suspicion of being an accessory to murder. I’m writing this not as a reporter full of facts, representing the whole story, but rather as me. A former teacher and a current mom of two small boys who is thinking of this kid and of his mother who had such different plans for her son.

I remember whispering in my son’s ear after I found out, “I hope all your mistakes can be fixed.”

Sometimes being a mom is so scary and it feels too BIG. Most of the time I am able to live in the moment and appreciate the now (very Baba Ram Dass) but today there is this feeling of things being fleeting and uncertain.

I hope to follow up this downer of a post with tons of thrift store finds because as soon as I am able to deal with the dust, I am heading to the shops to calm my nerves.


5 Responses to “Love & Antibiotics (And Not in an 80’s Glam Rock Kind of Way)”

  1. Lisa Says:

    Hope you are feeling brighter soon – how sweet that your son bought you flowers! I think raising children is a huge leap of faith – you just hope and pray that that the skills you teach them and the love you give them will be enough to see them through difficult situations. Sorry to hear about your former student …

  2. Paige Says:

    Hey Tracey, I know what you mean about the whole raising kids thing. I read an interview the other day with Craig Fergusen (who I love) and he said becoming a parent is the most terrifying thing in the whole world. I totally agree, and the only way to combat that is to live in the here and now with your kids, which is not always (if ever) easy. Anyoo, I hope you feel better soon, and I’m sorry to hear about your former student. That’s sooo sad. (Now go get your butt up to those thrift stores for some good retail therapy!)

  3. melissa s. Says:

    this quote by elizabeth stone always sums up parenting for me:
    “Making the decision to have a child – it’s momentous. It is to decide forever to have your heart go walking outside your body.” hope you feel better soon. (and small wave to my favorite bowl!!)

  4. A complete stranger Says:

    The anxiousness ARE the meds…those damn steroids do the job but the side effects are not fun. Ahhhh, being a parent…a lifetime job of the most importance! Hurry and get well,and go home to your parents!!

  5. megincl Says:

    It really is that whole heart walking around outside of your body thing. Panic can ensue so easily….

    Thinking of you, but also of that former student and his mom. Wow.

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